To begin with let me explain what I mean by some of the terms so the difference is clear when I use then further down in the text. Sexuality, sexual energy, sexualizing, sex… Even though we say that everything is welcome on the dance floor, some of those things actually are not. Our every state or need, every feeling or thought are most definitely welcome, even every dance of ours. The boundary that does exist refers to situations where our dance begins to include others, be it by projecting our energy, needs or processes onto another person, or by direct interaction.

Sexual energy is the life force, creative and juicy. One that awakens and feeds the passion. One that penetrates into our depths where it stirs the cauldron of our creativity and reaches towards heights where it dissolves us in rapture. One that whirls up our spine like a snake and connects the base with the crown. One the calls and lures us to confront and unite the polarities, masculine with feminine, physical with spiritual, personal with universal.
Sexuality is our capacity and manner with which we manage, act and behave with sexual energy. All of our different behaviors regardless of how appropriate, polite or acceptable or not ourselves or other people deem them.

Sex, strictly for the need of this text, I would define as the act of uniting, basically on a physical level, which preferably, besides the exchange of energy and physical stimuli, leads to some sort of ecstasy. Though in reality sex is at the same time so much more, or less, than that.

Sexualizing is the most difficult term to define, and from my point of view it usually has a negative connotation. In the context of the dance floor I would frame it as a unwanted, unnecessary or exaggerated emphasis on sexuality or directing the attention to superficial manifestation of sexuality, often thus distracting ourselves and/or others from more subtle layers of process or using sexuality as a distraction from other uncomfortable, unaccepted or simply unfamiliar pars of ourselves and our dance.

One of the biggest benefits and gifts I got from the dance floor is the freedom. Permission and tools to find my freedom in different shapes and forms. Freedom to be and move, to be seen and to meet others without censorship. Freedom to express emotions that otherwise might be suppressed or uninvited, to explore, move and reclaim my juiciness, aliveness, fullness in many coulours. Freedom to move and make sounds and be natural, unpolished, un-adjusted, my self. Freedom to retreat, fall silent and pause. Freedom to feel the attraction and dance with it. In that exploration of my own freedom, and later on as I started to teach also supporting and encouraging others to do that as well, I discovered – well, reinvented the wheel 🙂 – that responsibility that comes with the freedom. Profound understanding of boundaries and the need for them. Another paradox that is actually quite natural and non-contradictory.

 

In the dance we explore and expand our capacity to embody something and stay present, to meet an energy in another being and stay present, to find a way to connect and stay present, to not get lost in the torrent of energy or emotions or intesity of the meeting, but to hold our place, keep our dance and our integrity. Whether we’re talking about exploring the rhythms, the elements, our emotions… Or sexual energy. The other dancers are our mirrors and teachers, inspiration and challenges. And as long as we respect the postulate that each of us is on the dance floor to do our own work, we are staying within the limits of acceptable.

We live in a culture where sexuality is wounded, twisted and removed from its inherent beauty and power, and reduced to a cheep version of itself, superficial and manipulative. As a dance floor is a reflection of our lives, so we can very easily slip into inherited patterns. That is the very reason why we need to pay attention and set clear boundaries within which we can in a safer way and with more freedom explore healthier and higher quality relationship with sexuality, our own and of the others. Just like we don’t practice “just watching” on our classes, so that each dancer can dive into their dance with less reservations or holding back, in the same way we set the boundaries to interaction and “allowed” level of sexuality to additionally empower the safty of the container within which we can inquire into such sensitive areas.

The basic principle is that we are not taking other people’s dance personally. Not even when it’s a seductive, sensual, sexually charged dance of a person we are currently dancing with. We stay in the field of our own energy. That doesn’t mean we need to ignore what is happening around us (or inside us), but to look for our own dance with what is real in that moment. As soon as the base of our exploration stops being our sexual energy and moves towards expressing our sexuality, or even expressing and feeding our sexual needs, especially by projecting our attention or directly acting towards another dancer, I would say we enter a very slippery terrain. Maybe one of the best guidelines about staying within the acceptable limits, which I heard from a dear colleague of mine, is “no penetration”. No penetration of any kind, which includes french kissing. No penetration migh sound vulgar or rough, but that is the whole point. No vulgarity, not roughness, no entering other people’s bodies, or even personal space, or even dance. I would say that even the energy exchange is acceptable only if both parties agree. Which should be natural and granted, but we live in a world where it’s not. That is why it is good to underline, remind ourselves and practice the sensitivity to our and other people’s boundaries.

Here is where the responsibility comes in. Responsibility to when we “unleash” our sexual energy hold our boundary and be clear as to how much are we allowing other so interact with it. Responsibility to take all the processes, awakened or unfulfilled needs as fuel for our dance, not as an invitation to feed on another’s energy. Responsibility to communicate, to ask and listen and respect the response, to be clear when we respond. Responsibility to respecet the rules that make the dance floor a safer place for exploration. And maybe to follow another guideline “don’t do anything you couldn’t talk about with your partner who wasn’t present when it happened”.

Most often the ones who cross this boundary of acceptable are people who come to the dance floor with their partners, because this last guideline that is rooted in an internal moral restriction that would keep them from sexualizing doesn’t apply to them. Their partner is there. From my personal experience, and I have spent more than 10 years on dance floors with my partner, and from deep conversations with other people who have crossed this limit I can say that dropping into that familiar place of intimacy is a pattern that distracts from other internal processes like fear, boredom, discomfort, or simply taking a step into unknown.

In those cases I like to quote my teacher Andrea Juhan with whom I spent a few years investigation the theme of Libido through the practice of 5Rhyhtms, with a quote that beautifully explains how to connect sexuality and the dance floor – “Bring the dance floor to your bedroom, not the other way around”